WOW!! What a few months that has been. I had a minor wobble with my mental health which overall up to then has been very good. The latest scare was from a referred assignment from college. The assignment was a research project and had little bearing on my counselling abilities but I really took it to heart. I went from not passing the assignment to ‘I’m not a good counsellor’, ‘I’m not a good support worker’ and eventually, ‘I’m not a good person’. That’s some jump you must agree but that is how powerful the mind is, or at least mine is.
I really had to dig deep. There was a morning when I nearly took the wooden sign which you can see on the blog post to a college assignment. I just needed a physical object for support.
The day in question was an April Saturday where we had a full day of presentations, mine was Existentialism. Rather apt I must admit. I had been struggling with my sleep over the last few months but that’s another story. So, I was feeling pretty grim to be fair and was certain I was going to fail this assignment. I had also been up since 2am and was certain I was not going to be able to perform in front of my peers. An important thing to say here is that one of my fellow students, who is a teacher said that he often does his best presentations with less sleep. This was music to my ears and really gave me a boost of reassurance.
I did pass that assignment and went from strength to strength in the later part of my course. I did find the course at times very demanding, I had a constant fear that I would fail. The qualification means so much to me because it is the gateway to a vocation that I truly love and believe in. My tutor said to me before the course that there will be tough times and that did come true but I feel I have grown as a person in many ways. I think that if I hadn’t had been on such a journey prior to the course then the course may have been a pivotal point in my life, instead it just added to my ongoing development.
I have also undergone cognitive behavioural therapy through the NHS in the last few months which was also of benefit. Trying to be more compassionate to myself was one of the main aims from the work I did with my therapist and I hope I can put this into action with myself and also my clients. For many of us good folk if we treat ourselves like we treat others then we would be far more content.
So, tomorrow is my last day of a 4 year course in counselling and psychotherapy. Part of me does feel sad but the much bigger part of me is excited about the next chapter.