Personal

The world has a funny way of informing you when you are on the wrong path

By April 13, 2018 No Comments

You may believe in a god or something else or you may believe in nothing. But whatever
you believe there are often unknown forces at work.
I studied Economics at University and had high ambitions of working in the city as a trader.
All I wanted was to be rich, I didn’t care how I got there I just wanted to earn the big money.
Not once did happiness, purpose or fulfilment enter my head.
However, upon visiting Lehman Brother in Canary Wharf in the mid 2000s I was kindly
informed that I would struggle to obtain employment as a trader given my A-Levels and
choice of University (I was studying my first year at Nottingham Trent).
This really took the wind out of my sails and I subsequently dropped out of University. I
then headed to Australia for 1 year and returned to England. I’d love to say with a fresh pair
of eyes but I will still wanted the money. But also respect.
I took a job in a small financial advising firm in Sheffield as an administer and went to learn
my craft with the hope of becoming a financial advisor. This in theory would fulfil my need
for money, even though much less than a city trader.
I took around 10 exams and failed my final exam for my diploma by 2%. I never got my
diploma. Another sign maybe.
In 2010 reality dawned on me. This is a realisation that I should have had when I quit
university. But I kept going and kept fighting with the firm belief that I would be happy
when I had a lot of money. I never realised but I was running from the truth.
My world was propped up by that belief. But one cannot build a solid foundation based on
money. It simply does not hold.
I also realised that I didn’t actually have that much knowledge to be a great financial
adviser, again because my driver in this industry was money and not providing good advice
– I did want to help people but that desire was far less than my monetary ambitions.
In the fall of 2010 my world fell apart and I found myself actively seeking ways to end my
life. The house of cards fell one by one.
This whole episode brought me to my knees and I was to learn what life really meant.
If I wouldn’t have had a ‘breakdown’ and become so ill then I’d probably be still chasing the
dream of riches. I would probably have never realised that money wouldn’t bring me lasting
happiness. In fact, I may even be less happy due to not having anything to pursue, no major
purpose.
Someone or something knew I needed to be put on the right path and as hard as bi-polar,
depression and psychosis was I now feel I’m much more on track with where I want to be.

Mental health was my bodies way of waking me up.