Am I fulfilling my purpose here on Earth?

By May 5, 2020 No Comments

So, the other night I filmed and released on my Facebook page a short video talking about me, my life and medication.  The main point of the film was to question whether I am living my true life whilst I am under some pretty strong medications including Lithium and Olanzapine.

Here is a link to the video;

I’ve just randomly made a short video that I wasn’t going to post but thought I would in the end.Basically it is my question as to what is real and what is not?My experiences of living with a mental health condition and taking medications have, at times, made me question the whole world and the whole system. Which of the two worlds I have lived in are real? Surely, only one of them can be right? Or not……?It makes me think how powerless we are at times in this big wide world.But is that a good thing? I’ll let you have a watch and take your stand.Thank you.

Posted by GrayDays on Friday, 1 May 2020

I also hint at whether or not I am living my true meaning and by that, I mean in the eyes of the creator or some mystical white-haired man with a long beard.  But the point is, am I who I was sent to be?

I don’t mean that as some prophet but more of when I was selected for my time here on earth was the plan for me to be medicated?  Maybe it was, and if that was the case then great, it would reduce my tensions and allow me to just ‘be’.

From a short term, selfish point of view I am very happy taking these medications, I record year on year good mental health recordings (these are arbitrary and in my head measurements) and feel very content with who I am and where I am going.  I long for little else.

But, may I and the wider world not awaken to another realm of reality?  Will we forever be in the dark to the truth, whatever that truth may be.  Is it my responsibility to free the people of the world from their shackles and lead them to the promised land?  Most probably not, but I may at least hand them the key.

As you can tell there are more questions in this vignette than answers so I am most probably not leading for you to have much confidence in me but this, like so many things in life, need thought and no hasty moves.  As I say in the video I most probably would not be able to handle a life where I am pure sober, I’d probably become psychotic, lose my job, lose my house and end up under section – if I’m lucky.  The high would be great but as always, unsustainable and resulting in a crash and severe depression.

I don’t really know what the answer is but I will give you may take on my mental health and my life living on medication.  I feel that I will continue to lead my good life fully medicated and deal with the long-term side effects if and when they arrive.  I will however try to live on the edge of ‘normal’ and where possible visit the other side and tap in to what is happening over there and try and communicate between both sets of reality. 

I’m so very lucky that I have such a mind as I do which lets me live in multiple realities whilst still keeping my feet firmly on the floor and out of psychiatric settings.  I don’t think many are able to do this. 

By living in these various places in my mind I feel I may, and just may, be able to complete the mission I was set.  Which in the main is to help the people of the world achieve what they so desire.

Now I’m getting a bit farfetched I know, I guess it’s just dawned on me that this is a slight example of where my mind can wander if I allow.  And believe me, when I’m alone and there is no record my mind certainly does wander.  Luckily there are not recordings of the mind, well not for now at least.  If they do develop one of those then I may as well hand myself in now.